Hm. I learned a good lesson tonight.

Just because I see the world a certain way doesn’t mean everyone sees it that way. Just because I have a need to be understood when I’ve done/said something that could be considered inconsistent doesn’t mean the other party wants to hear my explanation. Sometimes, it really is better for me to just shut up, rather than overexplaining, especially when it’s about something that’s realistically pretty minor.

As much as I hate to be misunderstood, maybe it’s my going TOO far in explaining that is the larger problem. Julie would’ve agreed on that one.

What do I need to do to make THIS happen?

First off, I need to complete my A+ Certification AND my AGS. They aren’t much, but at least they are SOME sort of certifications to make the job hunt easier (admittedly, I would prefer to stay with my current employer, and have a job search agent running for me daily!) I also need to complete my bankruptcy filing.

Obviously, I need a decently-running car, which means either replace the Saturn (which I am in the process of attempting) or get it seriously fixed up. Either way, there will have to be money put out for THAT. I will need (even with a job lined up before I go) to have a cushion of cash for moving expenses, and also for me to adjust to the different cost of living.

I’ll need to find a place to live; I know approximately where I want to live, and I think that I will be able to find work that will keep me steady there, particularly if I have a roommate. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it. I need to be home, so badly.

Obviously, completing the bankruptcy is critical, and I will not be able to do that until April. I want to try to save money, if/where I can, so that I will have the cushion I will need. It is NOT going to be easy to move out there, particularly in this economy. But it is what I need, and it is what I shall have. So many “deadlines” have blown past me; it’s TIME!

So that is my commitment to myself between now and June: Get my body together, get my finances together, get my documentation together….and then seriously hit the bricks so that I can HIT THE ROAD, JACK!

Thinking about my “things in progress” and the steps I need to complete for each of them:

3. Complete AGS Degree

• Order transcripts from University of Maryland and PCC
• Meet with Academic Advisor again to finalize my course plan
• Take Math Placement exam
• Order CLEP transcript
• Take courses as required (as quickly as possible)

7. Set up Sony Laptop as a standalone “cloud computer”/media center

• Get drivers for laptop
• Connect external drive (after backing up media from this system)
• Connect monitor
• Install media/”cloud” software

45. Make a jewelry organizer

• Finish adding hooks as necessary to both units
• Measure bamboo to see how long the ribbons will need to be
• Go to craft store for ribbon to weave through bamboo for post earrings/pins

85. Get body work completed on car (although, if I can trade the car in, maybe I won’t even bother with this one)

• Call U-Pull lots to find out if I can get a hood
• Coordinate with Michael to pick up hood
• Coordinate with Michael to have his friend install hood
• Call for quotes on repairing side

100. Finish decorating my bedroom

• Frame and hang photographs
• Move Sinatra poster to other wall
• Find a better red tablecloth for bedside table

Oh, AND I SHOULD be completing these tomorrow: Mail Tina’s keychain, discuss plastic surgery with doctor (which kinda implies “price quote”), and Workplace Accommodation paperwork. Also, I will be calling the A+ school about starting THOSE classes; I wonder if I can take them concurrent to my AGS work. If so, THAT would rule–I could get two pieces of paper at the same time!

I’m down to 112. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and I hope against hope that I will be able to cajole him into agreeing that the surgery that I want is “reconstructive”, not “cosmetic”.

I also did something that took major balls; when Crystal heard that Gilby had gone to a new home, she said to call the new family and see if they would let us have him–even though her daughter has allergies, Crystal thinks it will be ok. I’ve called the new home; so far, no response–it went to voicemail. However, if I can convince her, then our baby will be back home. I can’t believe that I’m still crying, since I had accepted that he was gone–until Crystal said, “No, you get him back, we’ll figure out SOMETHING.”

Right now, I feel trapped in my life; it happens, sometimes. I want to just run away and hide, because it all seems too much. Thankfully, it’s a feeling that passes, but right now, I wish I could just win the lottery and run to Los Angeles, where everything would be all right. I know it seems like I’ve been saying that forever, and I have, but there are things that I know will be different for me when I am in Los Angeles, even though I’m a very different woman than the girl who decided a few years ago that’s where she needed to be.

I know what I want; I know I won’t have it until I am there. I may not have it then. But until I am, there’s not even a chance.

It’s not a good day: Gilby went to a new home (which means I’ll never see him again–he had been making himself sick everytime RQ left), I’m still aching over the Wanda Jackson cancellation, Mom was injured at work, and I can’t reach out to the one who’s pulling away from me, even though other people are reaching out to me and I find myself pulling away from THEM.

My heart is breaking right now; Wanda Jackson’s husband is in the hospital, so she has cancelled all of her tour dates. I know, it’s hateful of me to be so upset, but I was SO looking forward to this gig. SO very much. This was going to be like Holy Communion or something.

Well, I guess I should be glad that my friend wasn’t flying out for this gig. Thank Lemmy for small favors.

Yet, I still have tears in my eyes.

Score one for me; I’ve managed to sell my HES textbook to a private party for more than double what the school bookstore was going to give me for it! She’s getting it for half what she would have paid there, anyway, so everyone kinda profits.

Random thought: it is entirely disturbing to walk downstairs at 5 AM and hear your roommate and your co-worker having a discussion that includes the line “Thunder makes me horny”. Seriously.

So today will be a long work day (10 hours) with nothing planned afterwards, except perhaps knocking out more Psych papers. Tomorrow, I’m only scheduled for one hour of overtime, but if more is available, I will pull a 10-hour day again. The little bits DO add up!

So…had some fleur de sel caramels today, and while they were VERY good (in fact, they tasted like what I thought Turkish Delight would, when I first read the Narnia books), I was underwhelmed, as I had anticipated there being more salt flavor to the damn things. Ah well! It’s one of 15, at least (new foods to try). Also got my first concert of the 1001 days out of the way with a kick-ass Love Me Nots gig, which Michael and Crystal attended with me. Ironically, I finally got a shirt from them, and while *I* think it is way too tight, Michael and Crystal both said it looked awesome. I quote, “My God, you’ve actually got knockers in that thing!”

So, of course, I immediately scurried back upstairs for the loose comfort of my First Avenue shirt. Admittedly, the medium girl-cut Love Me Nots shirt looks good, but it’s not “cozy”. It’s “cute”. And thus, not what I wanna be curled up in as I try to sleep. And, right now, that is what I need–comfort. I need to be curled up in a little ball, wearing my First Avenue shirt and feeling the warmth of my Oogie Boogie blanket as I lay my face against Zappa.

Went and took Gilby for a walk after the gig. I wish that I had had time to spend with him instead of just quick walkies, or that I would have time to actually sit around and play with him tomorrow (which I may, depending on what time I wake up). However, I am working two hours of overtime tomorrow, so am loath to overplan my time. I also will be going in early on Sunday (tomorrow night, I have to knock out more papers for Psych). I don’t mind that, though. Let’s see… Sunday differential for at least one extra hour, and then the time adds up to where later in the week I’ll also have OT for it? Yeah, I’m good! I probably will go in for a few hours on Tuesday. Maybe. I don’t know yet. Amber and I are still discussing that.

Yeah, that plan didn’t quite work out as hoped. I’m running late, am about to jump into the shower so that I can at least get my FRU done today; I also need to call my cell provider, since I’ve FINALLY fallen prey to the missing service books thing on my Blackberry. I figure I’ll stop in at Trader Joe’s (find something NEW!) and I need to hit Wells Fargo, since Yucca Tap Room does NOT take cards. I’ll be picking Crystal up right after work–still not confirmed if anyone else is gonna go.

I realize everyone is tired of hearing about the papers I have backed up. Believe me, I’m tired of having them backed up. I pushed myself into a corner AGAIN, and am trying to battle my way out of it. At least I got one of them completed tonight. I have seven left.

Seven papers. And I need them submitted by Saturday evening.

However.

I have established that each one takes approximately an hour to an hour and a half. So, here’s the plan of attack: Get up at 8 AM, do Journal Entry 4 and (hopefully) Collaborative Debate 1. Go to work, come home after the gig and do Journal Entry 5. Get up at 8 on Saturday to do Journal Entry 6 and (hopefully) Collaborative Debate 2. Work on my “Self Improvement Essay” while at lunch tomorrow and Saturday. Then I will just have the Final Exam (which is a “wrap-up” essay) on Saturday when I get in from work. Obviously, I can’t “complete” the debates until I have responses, but if I have the “first part” of each posted, then I can catch a breath.

This will be good, seeing as I am doing overtime on Sunday, and thus won’t have time BEFORE work to do anything. Theoretically, I will be able to formulate my debate responses on Sunday night and get those submitted. THEN, FINALLY, I will be done with this VERY annoying Psychology 101 class–and will have done so in about half the time allocated by the school.

With school temporarily out of the way, I will then be able to focus on bringing my finances into line, before I start my next class. I know this sounds sort of ass-backwards, but if I can get all of my current classes completed and push on some overtime, I will be able to take that extra cash for some associated expenses I have right now (like ordering transcripts) and will be able to wait until I receive my book reimbursement before I have to get the book for my NEXT class. I can’t actually FORMALIZE my program until my transcripts come in, so that is a serious issue.