“All the way down at the doors of death, though, I’d discovered that I didn’t really want to die; I just wanted the pain and trouble and heartbreak to end, and I was so tired that dying seemed like the only way to get that done. I wanted to stop hating myself, too. Mine wasn’t soft-core, pop-psychology self-hatred; it was a profound, violent, daily holocaust of revulsion and shame, and one way or another it had to stop. I couldn’t stand it any longer.”
(Johnny Cash, CASH, p. 245)

It is gone, though. Now I just have to figure out what to put in its place. I have to stop being afraid of being whole. I have to stop being afraid of who I might really be. I want to believe that I’m a good person–I genuinely wish no harm to ANYONE. I need to transfer that to myself, though. I need to treat myself in the way I have always treated others–open to their flaws, loving unconditionally, and willing to do whatever it took to give them what they needed.