Friday, Aug 1st, 2008 – If your schedule falls apart today because you tried to do too much, this is the universe sending you a message, reminding you to slow down. The eclipse falls in your 3rd House of Immediate Environment and can affect your interactions with those closest to you. If a seemingly innocuous event turns into a more serious problem, don’t feed the drama with additional negativity of your own. Your positive input can put things back on track.

Got more cleaning done than I thought I would, but wound up having to go to the store and then started chatting with a random Sludger, so since I NEED to be in bed by 11 at the LATEST, I need to get offline and take a hunt for my SS card. I NEED to get that faxed to the one temp agency, and taken in to the other, if I wanna get paid!

Of course, it’s buggin’ me that Sludge has been down. I’m lame that way. At least it appears to be due to an upgrade.

I took a nap, and I should go back to bed, but I still haven’t taken the time to find my SS card. Dammit. Hm. Well, if I go back to bed and get up at 4….

Ok, fine, fuck it. I am GOING to get SOMETHING done, even if it KILLS me (and it well may LOL). As soon as I post this, the clock starts ticking–and I shall work on cleaning until 7 PM. That’s an hour and a half. Whatever I get done, I get done. At that point, I shall break and give myself an hour or so to relax, perhaps go out and pick up some necessary things for the house. From 8-9, I will work ONLY on paperwork/GTD. For ONE HOUR ONLY. Then, I will feel quite justified in allowing myself an hour or so to dink around on the Net before I must be in bed. So there it is. A plan.

Of course, I know all the procrastination tricks–”take a shower first” “Change clothes” “Oh, go to the store NOW”….yeah, NO! Not doing that this time. I deserve better, dammit!

(And, yes, I realize I have been remiss in my writing exercises. That’s one of the reasons that I want to get things back to “normal” around here, so that I can do the much more IMPORTANT work.

I’m irkish right now. I want to go DO something; I want to SHOP. These are not options.

I shall (for a change) work on some housework, I think. I haven’t napped today, so I know I shall wind up crashing early. I feel moderately good, though–my car is only 25 days past due now, and my insurance is caught up, so that’s a nice feeling. It’ll be a NICER feeling when EVERYTHING is caught up, but I shall take what I can get!

I can’t wait till a week from today. I know it’s cheesy to be excited about starting therapy, but I’ve been waiting so long for this. I hope Julie is good. LOL Seriously, I do need someone who will challenge me, as well as guide me.

If I get this room “relatively” picked up, then I can focus on laundry and organization over the weekend. That would be a good thing. I definitely need to get the wheels moving again!

Have I ever mentioned how much nightmares SUCK? Yeah, well, last night’s was a doozy! Still, I suppose that these are signs that I’m really getting to the crux of matters, so I shall take them just as experiences, neither positive nor negative.

Today went ok at the temp job. I was pulled aside for additional coaching, but was doing well enough by noon that I was told to relax :). So that is a good thing. I’ve NEVER been good at outbound. And, hell, it’s not like it’s a long-term thing anyway….I’ve got, what, four to seven days left of it?

It’s odd how much I’m wanting to nap these days. It’s so counter-productive! I should push myself JUST to the point of needing sleep–then I can ENJOY my rest instead of it being so damned fitful.

Wednesday, Jul 30th, 2008 — If unexpected events at work put demands on you now, it really doesn’t matter how creative you feel. You’ll still need to show your competence and perform your job. But you could underestimate how long it will take to finish your work, so it’s best to start early. If you wait longer than you should, you might not be able to pull off the magic with your usual skill.
Thursday, Jul 31st, 2008 — Even if you are satisfied with your daily life now, you have the capability to make it better by focusing your mind. Instead of drifting along in daydreams, take control of them by gently nudging your thoughts in the direction of more positive images. You are what you think, so improve your day by changing the images that color your attitude.

Today’s was, I guess, interesting. As far as underestimating myself as far as time, I don’t really see how that is relevant in the temp situation, but perhaps it is moreso in the housework one! LOL. Of course, tomorrow’s horoscope rings a bit true. We shall see what happens.
I am annoyed, however, as I was quite content with my body yesterday. Today, not so much. I still think I look great in the pic of me in the twinset (at least body-wise), but then I take a glance at myself in the mirror and see nothing but rolls and wads. And I hate it when that’s all that I can see.

Done a little bit of casual computer work today, but I really need to get MORE stuff done that does NOT revolve around a damn keyboard.

When your baby up and leaves you
Up and leaves you flat
Don’t you laugh my friend sometimes it happens just like that
First you feel the anger then the sorrow will soon take control
And there’ll be hard times for sure
Long cold lonely nights

It might not sound like much
But it’ll mean a lot you’ll see
Every hour you survive will come to be
A little victory
Little victory

As you struggle through each day
Each strange new day
Feelin’ lost and wounded tryin’ hard to find your way
No one there to talk it out with
Learnin’ how to sleep alone
Overcomin’ each new doubt
Tryin’ hard just to accept it all

Everytime you keep control when you’re cut off at the knees
Everytime you take a punch and still stand at ease
Little victories
Little victories

And when night falls and there’s no one around
The cruelest time of all and not one sound
Listenin’ to the wind blow
Listenin’ to the tickin’ of the clock
Tryin’ hard to forget
Tryin’ hard to just accept it all

As you step out in the night take a lesson from the trees
Watch the way they learn to bend with each breeze
Little victories
Everytime you make it through
It’s another little victory
Day by day minute by minute
Little victories

Blah. I’m rather annoyed at my bank–how difficult is it to deposit my money in the CORRECT account? Seriously. Still, I did run up to TJ’s, and I’m of mixed opinions on the sweet potato chips–I’ll probably finish the bag, but I doubt I’ll buy them again. At least my sushi is like HALF the price of the exact same sushi at Safeway, so there is THAT.

Much to do, no motivation. This seems to be a recurrent theme. Honestly, I am looking forward to possibly getting a mini-vacation before I start at the call center. If it doesn’t happen, fine. But I could use a little time just to clear the decks. Granted, if I don’t get my “stuff” done, I won’t feel I deserve it, so I really do need to kick some ass this week!

Yeah, it was after midnight that I went to sleep, so when I got in today, I took a nap. I need to get some things done this afternoon, perhaps do a little chatting, but will DEFINITELY get more sleep tonight!

My first day went ok, I think. I am, of course, rather gun-shy and apprehensive right now. I want so much to succeed at the things I am attempting to do that I have to be careful not to go “too far” over the line. I can’t wait to start at the call center, honestly. When I do, I will give it the same care I gave my old call center–and I was there quite a long time!

The project I am working on with the temp agency is ok, considering that it is outbound calls, but I have never been fond of outbound, so it is a struggle. Still, it is a temporary gig, not something that I shall spend the next long bit of time doing, so I will make it through! I did inform them that I have a MANDATORY medical appointment next week; if that causes them to cut me loose early, then so be it. I have to do what I have to do.

I do have an interview, tomorrow, with a medical firm. I am keeping my hand in, but once I start at the call center, it will be a relief to no longer BE job searching, I have to admit! I do hate that this short period of time will cause my taxes to be really irritating to put together next year. Still, I’m doing what I have to do.

I was pleased to discover how inexpensively and quickly a Greyhound can get me out of Phoenix, if planned carefully. I guess I won’t be stuck in Phoenix ALL the time, as I had feared!

Ok, I shall go ahead and check the mail, do a bit of housework and paperwork. Onward and upward, right?

And of course, I should go to bed wicked early so that I can be just the right level of pepped tomorrow. I have a lot to do tomorrow, as well (to wit, I-9 documentation to BOTH temp agencies, some online assessment stuff, etc.), once I get off work. At the same time, I need to do a lot around the house, so it’s one of those things. I had hoped for a little bit of R&R tonight, but it doesn’t look as if THAT is going to happen, which is annoying. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all!

I do know this: I will be in bed by 9 PM, so that I can be up by 4 AM, even though leaving at 5 will be fully adequate. Part of me feels like I ought to go to sleep NOW, because the phone may well ring at an odd hour (everyone thinking that I am working nights), but I know that if I do that, then I’ll likely wind up accomplishing NOTHING. And I’m getting tired of that.

I am a bit frustrated that I will NOT be able to complete the full commitment to this project, should they decide to keep me for the next couple of weeks, but I REFUSE to reschedule my therapist appointment again. I’ll step out in faith, hoping for the best.

And I do think that I have figured out what the universe is trying to teach me with this current round of setbacks: That I WILL survive, even when I think I can’t. That I’m stronger than I thought. 2. To really APPRECIATE the call center opportunity and give it my ALL, not get so caught up in possibles that I fuck up a good thing.

Lizzy asked me if I’m part feline, since I seem to always land on my feet. I’m beginning to think she might be right.

You see, it turns out that the temp agency I went to is more of a staffing agency than a temp agency. They focus on getting temp-to-hire stuff for their people, which is fine….but they called me just a little bit ago and said they have a two-week(!) project. Well, we’ll see how it goes. It sounds like it would be great for me, but forgive me if I’m feeling a bit gun-shy. Having to leave the house at 5 AM is going to suck, but a paycheck is a paycheck, and I would do well to keep remembering that.