It just gets better and better, doesn’t it? It feels as if I can’t win for losing these days. I got a call from the temp agency (and I still need to fax or email over my I-9 documentation), telling me that they had overstaffed the current project and thus, ALL of us who started last night were being removed. Oh well, at least it was A day of pay, but I had honestly hoped that I would be able to combine that with the call center job, so that I could actually GET AHEAD for a change.
Still, I just got a very sweet call that made me smile, and am off to yet ANOTHER temp agency….And I already have an interview scheduled tomorrow for a job starting Monday, so…”we’ll see”
Tuesday, Jul 29th, 2008 — You may be a bit scattered today and feel like you cannot get anything done. Everything changes, though, when a close friend engages you in a conversation. Even if you want to avoid admitting your lack of focus, it will be very helpful if you do. Once you begin talking about your frustration, it becomes clear what you must do next. Don’t delay getting started, for your concentration may not last too long.
Honestly, right now, my confusion level is off the charts. I’m trying so hard not to push others, but it happens, and then I wonder about the choices I’ve made and am making. As much as I have always wanted to be important to other people, I’m starting to realize how very threatening having an impact on someone else can be.
To wit, as much as it makes me feel good that some folks are opening up to me, it also hurts in a way, knowing that even though opening up is good for them–it hurts at the time, especially when they are not used to discussing their emotions. GOD, do I understand that! I’ve never been easy to care about. Hell, even I found it difficult to care about me, for far too many years. And, now, with the trajectory my life has taken, it gets even more difficult, since I am so committed to honesty and that does push other people sometimes.
It’s change; it’s growth. Am I the only one who remembers that when we all went through puberty, sometimes there was physical pain as our bodies adjusted? Sometimes, sadly, it’s the same when we begin to grow up emotionally.
Ok, so here’s the (as-always-modified) plan. I shall leave the house at about 2:30, garbage bags in tow. I am not going to focus on getting ANYthing done before I leave (except for paying my insurance and finding my debit card and license, which sorta goes without saying. ETA: Which are now done) While on a break at work tonight, I shall call Beth and Al to discuss the washer with them. When I get home from work, I shall focus on getting this room to at least a “live-able” level. Depending on what Al and Beth say will determine what time I get up in the morning, and, collaterally, what time I crash tonight. After all, the only call I might receive that late would be from mom, and she knows I’m working till 3:30 her time, so…not bloody likely!
Tomorrow, again based on whatever feedback I get from Beth and Al, I have to hit the library and do a few other phone calls and errands. It’ll work out. Somehow. (ETA: I’m going to go ahead and go to the library now, before work. It only takes me a little bit out of the way, and I DO have PLENTY of time!)
Ok, so the drive to the temp job is a 15-minute one (7 miles) according to Mapquest. Which tells me to leave an hour early (3 PM) so that I can get a feel for it, and take a look at what is in the general area. It’s quarter to eleven right now. If I really push myself until 1, I could take a nap until 2:30 (not something that I would normally do, but I had a horrific nightmare last night!) and still feel good about levels of accomplishment. I can also throw a garbage bag into the car and clean out the car if I wind up in the parking lot well early! Yes, multi-tasking–well, more like dovetailing.
Or (and this is more likely), I may take a one hour nap beginning pretty much now, then bust ass when I wake, until 3, when I should leave. That sounds more workable.
Except, of course, that the phone rang. As a result, I now have an interview next week with one of the few currently-profitable airlines. The money is NOT good, but it would be back in the airline industry, and I DO miss flight benefits, so I will see how it goes. It’s so random that I would get this interview NOW, of all times. But we shall see what happens.
Monday, Jul 28th, 2008 — Your quickly shifting moods may feel like too much to handle today, but it’s your choice as to which feelings to share with others and which ones are better kept to yourself. It may be easier to talk with compassion about someone else’s problem than to open yourself to scrutiny by sharing your own. Taking the safe route isn’t a good choice if it means avoiding your feelings.
Or, perhaps, not so much. I do have a lot that I need to do today, but I think that I will be rational and not try to force myself the way I have often done in the past.
To wit:
Fax documentation to the temp agency (which necessitates finding my SS card)
Clean out car
Clean bathroom
At least START cleaning bedroom
Pay insurance
Mapquest how to get to the temp job
And, of course, WORK the temp job.
Of course, I have absolutely NO idea what the dress code there is. I think it’s most likely casual, but I shall err on the side of caution and go with business casual, like I usually do, anyway. Part of me would love to go to the thrift store, which I haven’t done in ages, but at the same time, I know I should not be spending money I do not have, even if it’s only a few dollars.
Still, the MOST important thing today is going to be getting this bedroom to what I term a live-able level. I get so caught up in the perfectionism, FlyLady is right about that!
Julie called, and my appointment is again re-scheduled, but only for 3 days later than it had been, so that’s not a big deal. The MAIN thing is GETTING IN THERE, GETTING STARTED. It hasn’t been by choice that I’ve had to juggle it out to almost a month later than originally anticipated (and, frankly, it’s STILL several months before I THOUGHT I’d be able to be seen!)
I checked with RQ today, and she agrees that my face is filling back out, which was the part that made me look so haggard over the past couple of months. Now that I’m not crying all the time, I may even start wearing my contacts again, when I start at the call center (although, if I am trying to work both jobs, I may decide to stick with the glasses, since I’ll be sleeping very little.) I do hope that I can manage to make both work together, at least for a little while. It would give me a boost in what I need, and a boost would honestly be nice to have, for a change.
I’m not entirely sure, but there may have been another boost that I can’t quite discuss. We’ll see if it pans out the way that I hope it has. If so, life is REALLY beautiful right now! I am annoyed that I didn’t do anything today, and am now sitting in chat, instead of actually accomplishing, but……sometimes these things happen.
Perhaps at the turn of the hour, I shall get motivated.
And perhaps at the turn of the hour, I shall go to sleep.
So I went and shelled out for a copy of THE DISTANCE today, since the lyrics for “Little Victories” were weighing on my mind and I was pissed off that I couldn’t remember how the song SOUNDED. Yeah, not that good. But I had forgotten how good the rest of the album was, so it’s ok, I guess. I thought then, and think now, that “Shame on the Moon” was a lame choice for a single, but with what I know now about industry politics, part of me wonders if that was somewhat intentional, since the majority of Seger fans would’ve bought the entire album. So funny that I clearly remember listening to the ROCKLINE episode where the album was being premiered.
I grabbed KFC for lunch, which sucked–I mean, SERIOUSLY sucked. Oh well, it’s not like I often have “high hopes” when I grab fast food. It’s still irritating, though. The trip was SOMEWHAT redeemed when I picked up a copy of GODDESS IN PROGRESS for .75, although I also wasted .75 on a copy of TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A WHITE GIRL, since I couldn’t remember if I had the 12-inch or the full-length (the full-length, as it turns out). Ironically, the copy that I bought a few months ago was $4, and this one, same condition, was only .75. Oh well, again.
So as I was driving, I got to thinking about a discussion that I had about Bob Seger the other night, and how his music hits some of us in a place that other people don’t really “get.” It’s the blue-collar anthems, it really is. Yes, I’ve spent my adulthood in an upwardly(mostly)-mobile white-collar world, but all I wanted, growing up, was to be what I would’ve called a “Bob Seger woman”–those shopworn angels, free spirits just making it from day to day without having the need to constantly re-evaluate.
Maybe I’ll get there, even though it seems such a small goal. I mean, society dictates that I should want the glitz and glamour, or the lie of the white picket fence…and I’d be quite content with that feeling of freedom and calm. It’s definitely something to think about.
It doesn’t pay to try,
All the smart boys know why,
It doesn’t mean i didn’t try,
I just never know why.
Feel so cold and all alone,
Cause baby, you’re not at home.
And when i’m home
Big deal, i’m still alone.
Feel so restless, i am,
Beat my head against a pole
Try to knock some sense,
Down in my bones.
And even though they don’t show,
The scars aren’t so old
And when they go,
They let you know
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
Don’t try, don’t try
You’re just a bastard kid,
And you got no name
Cause you’re living with me,
We’re one and the same
And even though they dont show,
They scars aren’t so old
And when they go,
They let you know
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
Don’t try, don’t try
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
You can’t put your arms around a memory
Don’t try, don’t try
t’s amazing, we go through changes,
When times get crazy, it’s up and down, it’s hot and cold.
These complications, just keep on coming,
There ain’t not running, when it comes to life that’s how it goes.
Round and round we go,
Sometimes it feels like, we’re on a roller coaster ride.
Baby don’t you know, it could eat you up,
If you try to keep it all inside.
Seems like hard times come easy, we do a lot of hanging on these days,
But the heart frinds a reason, and love always seems to find a way.
Even if it hurts, even if it hurts us baby.
There’s gonna be thunder, there’s gonna be rain,
There’s gonna be times, we both get caught up in the pain.
The realization, keeps sinking in,
The way you made it, is learn to take it on the chin.
Round and round we go,
It’s just another day, with trouble knocking at your door.
Baby don’t you know, we can work it out,
‘Cause we always seem to find a cure.
Seems like hard times come easy, we do a lot of hanging on these days,
But the heart finds a reason, and love always seems to find a way.
Even if it hurts, even if it hurts you baby,
Even if it hurts, even if it hurts you baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Round and round we go,
Sometimes it feels like, we’re on a roller coaster ride.
Baby don’t you know, we’ll keep holding on,
Through the changes that we feel inside.
Seems like hard times comes easy , (hard times come easy)
Do a lot of hanging on these days.
But the heart finds a reason, (heart finds a reason)
And love always seems to find a way.
Hard times,
Hard times come easy babe.
Talking’ ’bout hard times,
They come easy baby.
It seems so hard to stay so positive
I know how it feels
It just takes time something’s gotta give
Don’t let the negative
Steal the blue out of the sky
Don’t leave it all behind
This is life this is it
It’s not everything you want
It’s everything you get believe it
It’s not worth leaving
Yea this is life once again
It’s been knocking at your door
You ought to let it in
Don’t waste it it’s time you faced it
It seems like years
Since you’ve known happiness
So down so long
So calm your fears
And you’ll get out of it
Just hang on
So this is life this is it
It’s not everything you want
It’s everything you get believe it
It’s not worth leaving
Yea this is life once again
It’s been knocking at your door
You ought to let it in
Don’t waste it it’s time you faced it
Why do you cry?
Why do you cry?
Steal the blue out of the sky
Don’t leave it all behind
This is life once again
It’s been knockin at you door
Don’t waste it it’s time you faced it
This is life this is it
It’s not everything you want
It’s everything you get believing
It’s not worth leaving
Yea this is life once again
It’s been knocking at your door
You ought to let it in don’t waste it
It’s time you faced it
This is life
This is life
Don’t let it pass you by, pass you by
It’s time you faced it
It’s time you turned around and faced it